Frank Dux vs. Chong Li fighting in the UFC

Wednesday April 6, 2016 Today’s Breakdown takes a look at what if the 2 main characters (Frank Dux and Chong Li) of the beloved movie BLOODSPORT were UFC fighters.

I hope you all enjoy.

Dramatic Opera Music Plays. Cut away scene of Chong Li breaking thick ice chunks with his bare hands and elbows. Fades to Black. Cut away scene of Frank Dux being forced to do the splits.

Joe Rogan: (voicing over a toe to head shot of Chong Li) If there ever was a more dominant fighter than Chong Li I’ve yet to see it. I mean…here’s a guy that has broken every record in the Kumite AND has killed several competitors in competition, namely Senzo Tanaka’s son.

Cut to highlight of Chong Li putting guy in sleeper hold then open palm striking said guy’s ear before unceremoniously dumping him to the mat. Rogan continues.

Joe Rogan: On the other hand, you have this virtual no name in Frank Dux who has perfected the Dim Mak and who claims to train under the legendary Senzo Tanaka.

Cut to Victor Lin shouting “Who Cares if Bruce Springsteen is his Shidoshi?” Rogan Continues

Joe Rogan: I mean…Frank is a guy who has seen his Shidoshi’s son killed AND has seen his friend Ray Jackson get his head crushed by Chong Li.

Cut to a scene where Frank Dux Screams, “NOOOOOOOOOOO! STOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!” as Chong Li Stomps Ray Jackson’s skull. Rogan Continues

Joe Rogan: I mean…this fight for me is a super fight in the purest sense of the word, because in the end this is a fight between two warriors with different backgrounds and styles. You have Chong Li who is just a brutal physical specimen then you have Frank Dux whose style is indescribable.

Cut to Frank Dux

Frank Dux: Shidoshi Tanaka, train me. He taught me never to limit myself to one style. To keep an open *whispers* miiiiiiind!!! I have been able to break Chong Li’s record because of his teachings.

Cut to Chong Li

Chong Li: He broke my record now I break him, like I break his friend (points to knee).

Cut to Dana White

Dana White: As a fight fan, I am seriously excited about this fight and I can’t wait to see who will win. Either way the Fans are going to be the real winners!!

Cut to back and Forth snippets of Frank and Chong’s fight highlights in lightning fast succession all While The word Kumite is sung repeatedly by Stan Bush then silence and screen fades to black with crowd chanting CHONG LI! CHONG LI! CHONG LI!CHONG LI!

Mike Goldberg: Our Tale of the Tape brought to you by Reebok!!! Reebok, when Nike’s and Pumas are too expensive there’s always Reebok. Frank Dux with a 7 inch height advantage, everything else is virtually identical.

Frank Dux enters the modified platform for the final match followed by Chong Li. There is an ominous silence as The Korukai or Black Dragon Society calls for the Gong.

Bruce Buffer: Ladies and gentlemen, IIIIIIIIIIT’S TIIIIIME!!!! First FIGHTING out of the red corner, the challenger. this man is a freestyle fighter with a professional record of 13 wins and 0 losses weighing in at 185 pounds, fighting out of Toronto, Ontario, Canada! FRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAANK “DEATH TOUCH” DUUUUUUUUUUUX!!! *starts walking over to Chong Li while pointing his index card at Chong Li’s chest and dick riding him with the announcements* And Fighting out of the Blue Corner, this man is professional freestyle fighter weighing in at 1 metric ton with a professional record of infinity wins and 0 losses and 36 kills. fighting out of Beijing, China *crowd roars in approval* HE IS THE REIGNING UNDISPUTED KUMITE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!! CHONG “THE BEAST FROM THE EAST” LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! *Crowd Goes Apeshit.* [murmurs] our referee for this contest is Mario Yamasaki.

Mario Yamasaki does the Taylor Swift heart before calling the fighters over.

Mario Yamasaki: [with some guy behind him with a microphone trying their best not inadvertently dry hump Mario from behind] Ok we’ve gone over the instructions in the locker room, are there any questions? *both fighters shake their heads no* Ok, I want a good clean fight, obey my commands, protect yourself at all times, now touch gloves.

Fighters refuse to touch Gloves. Chong Li walks backwards to his corner while flexing his massive tits. crowd roars its approval.

Goldberg: Whoa! Did you see that, Joe?

Joe: Oooooh man, Chong Li is one scary dude.

Mario Yamasaki: [points to Frank] Are you ready? [points to Chong] Are you ready? Get back in your corner!!! Are you ready? HAJIMI!!!

Crowd Cheers

Goldberg: AAAAAANNND HERE WEEEEE GO!! Our fight clock is brought to you by Katana Sword. Katana Sword, You cannot win Katana sword by stealing it. Chong Li with the Red Trunks and Ray Jackson’s Headband on his left knee, Frank Dux with the black trunks. Joe, any reason for the head band on Li’s knee?

Joe: Interesting that you brought that up, Mike it’s strictly for Intimidation, pure intimidation. As you know Ray Jackson is Frank’s friend whom he met while playing video games.

Goldberg: Aren’t they a little old to play video games? [chuckles]

Joe: Yes they are, Mike, yes they are!!

Goldberg: What would you say is the best strategy that Frank could utilize against a fighter the caliber of Chong LI, Joe?

Joe: I’d say that Frank should go for Chong Li’s gut, he seems to be weak there, and to stay away from his right leg. He’s got devastating kicks with that right leg. I can see a lot of Leaping full 180 degree split kicks being utilized by Frank, also the full ground splits into a testicular uppercut which we saw him do to the Sumo wrestler Pumola. We may even see Frank Pull out the standing split kick to the chin. I mean Frank is so lightning fast he could pull any of those moves out in a split second.

Fighters circle tentatively across from one another.

Goldberg: Fighters feeling each other out, Chong goes for a body kick Frank counters with a back fist, Chong counters with a punch to Frank’s ribs.

Joe: That one hurt, Mike.

Goldberg: No doubt, Chong…excuse me Frank looks a little tired, Joe.

Joe: Yup.

Goldberg: Chong moves in, Frank answers with 3 unanswered leaping spinning split roundhouses to Chong Li’s jaw!!!! IIIIIIIT’S ALL OVER!!!!!

Mario Jumps between the fighters protecting Chong Li from further damage.

Goldberg: As always, fighter safety is the most important thing.

Joe: FRANK DUX IS FOOOOOR REEEAALL!!! LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT THE REPLAY. THERE IT IS RIGHT THERE, YOU SEE THE PUNCH TO THE RIBS FOLLOWED BY CHONG LI GOING IN FOR THE KILL, FRANK DUX COUNTERS WITH THREE BEAUTIFULLY EXECUTED TEXTBOOK FLYING SPINNING SPLIT KICKS. NORMALLY THIS ISNT A VERY EFFECTIVE MOVE BECAUSE ONE CAN SIMPLY TAKE A STEP BACK AND PUNISH SOMEONE FOR BEING AN IDIOT, BUT FRANK IS SO FAST THAT IT WORKED.

Goldberg: incredible. Fight replay brought to you by Training. Training, how do you expect to fight if you are just going to be someone’s punching bag?

Jumbotron shows slow motion highlight of Frank’s foot connecting to Chong Li’s Face! Audience OOOOOOHS in unison.

Goldberg: Here’s Joe Rogan with the winner.

Joe: Alright, I’m here with the winner. FRANK, FIRST CONGRATULATIONS ON AN IMPRESSIVE VICTORY, TAKE A LOOK AT THE REPLAY AND TALK US THROUGH!!!

Jumbotron shows slow motion highlight of Frank’s foot connecting to Chong Li’s Face! Audience OOOOOOHS in unison.

Frank: [completely ignoring jumbotron] Uh…I’d like to thank my Sponsor, Knowledge. Knowledge pass from father to son father to son!!! Shidoshi Tanaka we did it!!!!!

Crowd roars it’s approval!!!

Joe: Frank, you are an incredible performer and I definitely look forward to reading about your victory in tomorrow’s paper!!

Frank: [grabs mic] The Kumite is for the fighters, not for the people that read news papers!!!

Joe: AFTER SUCH AN INCREDIBLE PERFORMANCE WHO’S NEXT FOR YOU?

Frank: I WANT TONG PO!!! I WANT TONG PO!!!

Crowd roars in approval. Tong Po steps into the modified platform.

Tong Po: [takes mic away from joe and takes championship belt from Frank ripping it in half] Be careful what you ask for because now I will make You bleed like Mylee.

End scene.

By: Humberto Garcia
FightBookMMA.com


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